Desire Difference Conflicts with Wife

It probably comes as no surprise that the no. 1 sex problem complained about by married men is conflict with their wife about frequency of sexual connection. Unfortunately, instead of investing in finding out the root issue (see Top 10 Sex Problems for Married Women) men just complain about the situation. Fortunately, desire difference conflicts can generally be worked through with a high degree of satisfaction on both sides once we understand what the underlying causes are.

Pornography Struggles

Stewarding one’s sexual drive has always been an issue for men. Since the advent of the internet this struggle has only become more difficult. Nearly every man under the age of 30 who has access to the internet has viewed pornography. Many struggle on a regular basis with it. In addition to the moral implications, pornography use creates some very real practical problems as well.

  1. Relationship conflict. Most wives don’t feel cherished by porn use and it creates serious conflict in the relationship, including mistrust, feelings of betrayal, and a complete loss of desire to be with her husband sexually.
  2. Conscious Hardening. As a man’s heart hardens from repeated pornography usage he becomes more open to other kinds of sexual acting out.
  3. Loss of Arousal. Pornography conditions sexual response to things non-existent in the real world with a real wife. Over time this conditioning can make it difficult or impossible to sexually respond to reality.
  4. Loss of Self-Respect. The loss of self-respect that comes from repeated violation of one’s values can lead to depression, anxiety, and isolation.
  5. Poor Performance. Porn sex is nothing like real sex. Habitual porn sex increases laziness, decreases arousal to the normal (not digital enhanced) female body, decreases sexual longevity, decreases interest in normal healthy sexual activities, and overall makes you a lousy lover.

Low Sexual Desire

One in five (1 in 5) married men have a lower sexual drive then their wife. This often leads to feelings of being rejected and undesired on the part of wives. For the husbands, there tends to be a strong sense of inadequacy and failure sexually. This lends itself to men being further avoidant of sex, because most men avoid things that they feel like a failure around. There can be a number of reasons for low sexual desire in men, all of which can generally be improved with treatment.

Erectile Difficulties

Men at various ages for variety of reasons can experience difficulty achieving and/or maintaining an erection. Not only is this demoralizing for most men, it can also lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy cycle that results in complete impotence. If left untreated, erectile dysfunction (ED) can cause significant relationship disconnection as well.

Premature Ejaculation

The fifth most common sexual difficulty men experience is premature ejaculation. This can be the result of sexual naivety (inadequate teaching on sex), anxiety, or some other contributors. It too can be improved significantly with treatment, relieving the relational stress that often accompanies it.


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